It’s hard to imagine that one day, not far from now, your child will be entering the adult world of work. What is your role in propelling him in that direction? How involved should you be? What if he chooses the wrong thing? Let’s deal with a few myths that tend to add to the pressure we feel as parents.
1. There is a job that is just perfect for my child. I have to help him find it.
It would be lovely to think there was a job somewhere that was the perfect fit for my children, but the reality is that perfect jobs and perfect spouses don’t exist! (Sorry hubby!)And imagine if it did exist, and I the parent failed to locate it- now that’s pressure. In today’s world, with the ambiguity of the work place, our kids need to have enough self-knowledge, ingenuity, and initiative to be able to find jobs or careers that they can make their own, and the resilience to change direction as the market changes.
2. I know my child. It’s my responsibility to train him toward a suitable career
This approach worked for Tiger Woods parents, Frank Lloyd Wright’s mother and Mozart’s father, but don’t count on it. People will insist on being themselves. There will always be more rebel successes than parent –produced prodigies Children who see thoughtful moral behaviour in their parents, who are taught to think rationally and feel deeply, tend to follow their parents moral path, even if not their profession. Know the limits of parental power. We can nurture and guide our children, but we can’t choose their careers
3. Choosing a career is about psychological testing
No! We have excellent vocational psychologists in town, and they provide a very valuable service, but they deal with your teenager at a specific time in his life. They give you a snapshot of his abilities, aptitudes and interests at a moment in time. Rather see this as a process, which you facilitate and enjoy with him over the years
4. Life today is age-integrated, not age-differentiated
And that’s just a fancy way of saying that when we grew up, life was divided into: a) getting educated, followed by b) go to work, and finally c) relax and enjoy your well-earned leisure. Today and tomorrow, throughout our lives we can enjoy all three. Life- long learning is a reality that we can model and teach our children. In their world, they may have to train and retrain, learn new skills, many times. Doesn’t it make sense to show them the privilege and joy of learning, as they see us getting to grips with new skills, new ways of adding value?
4. The main reason people lose their jobs, or fail at a career, is because of a lack of competence
We worry about our children being “good enough” to make a success of things, and schools tend to focus on academic ability, but actually people fail for other reasons: lack of integrity, lack of initiative, poor personal skills, disrespect, failure to take correction, poor self discipline, and so on. This is where we as parents are particularly powerful. Schools often over- emphasise and reward natural talent – but we need to be smart enough to understand the value of character.
So just how do we go about helping our children with their career path?
Step 1 Self Assessment
- Help your child to make a list of the things that he/she enjoys doing in their spare time.
- Assist the child in making a list of things that he/she dislikes doing.
- Help the child to identify subjects that he/she is good in and enjoys. At the end of Form two important subject choices will have to be made. Try and make these in the light of keeping as many career doors open as possible. Be careful about dropping sciences, especially chemistry: it’s easy to close a lot of doors here, needlessly.
- Speak to your child about what he/she values most for instance, high income, security, friendships, family life, fame, adventure, routine, discipline, new things or familiar things, working with his or her hands, working with the mind, creating art work, designing, building, repairing, caring, animals, people, outdoors or indoors, negotiating, selling, motivating, speaking, physical activity, competition, details, following instructions, working with guidance, helping others, working alone etc. are all keywords to help establish what he or she values and wants from life and a career.
- Formal testing of abilities, aptitudes and interests.
Step 2 Exploring options
Expose your child over a period of time to as many career options as you can. Encourage interaction with adults in different kinds of jobs, and teach them to ask questions, unashamedly. Identify broad fields of interests together with your child. Within these fields, let the child select what interests him or her most and help the child to get information about that specific career positions. Help your child to identify the following for each:
- Entry level requirements.
- Education and training required.
- Entry level requirements for the education.
- Duration of studies.
- Cost of studies.
Step 3 Practical exposure
Once your child has gained knowledge about 5 or 6 suitable career fields, you can help your child to get more practical and firsthand experience of each through:
- Related extracurricular activities. Interact, charity work, public speaking,-even the dance committee- give very valuable training in confidence, communication team work, organisation and initiative.
- Job shadowing – during the O-level break, or normal school holidays: this provides an opportunity to experience what a job really entails. This experience also looks good on a C.V.
And a few random thoughts:
Life today is age-integrated, not age-differentiated And that’s just a fancy way of saying that when we grew up, life was divided into: a) getting educated, followed by b) go to work, and finally c) relax and enjoy your well-earned leisure. Today and tomorrow, throughout our lives we can enjoy all three. Life- long learning is a reality that we can model and teach our children. In their world, they may have to train and retrain, learn new skills, many times. Doesn’t it make sense to show them the privilege and joy of learning, as they see us getting to grips with new skills, new ways of adding value?
Don’t underestimate the value of a gap year. So many possibilities are out there, and a year out in the real world, learning about life and away from the shelter of the family, can teach your son or daughter so much that stands them in good stead as they start university or training the next year.
The Internet is amazing! From informal aptitude tests, to how to apply for job shadowing; from writing a CV and covering letter, to qualities sought by prospective employers- it’s all there for you. And be warned: it is your responsibility to research universities and course options. There are so many options now that no school can possibly be expected to have all the information relevant to your child.
by Cathy Marx (Used with permission)
