This is my Jesus story which I hope will help you as you go through the storms of life.

The scripture I would like to reference today is Luke 8 vs 22 to 25.

We are going to look at events before, during and after the storm in the disciple’s lives.

I would then like to read you my Jesus story and handle any questions and comments

Luke 8 vs 22: One day Jesus said to his disciples, let’s go over to the other side of the lake. So they got into the boat and set out. As they sailed, Jesus fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”…..

The setting:
* Jesus and the disciples were in a boat in the middle of the lake
* A squall (storm – hurricane) came
* The disciples panicked
* Jesus was in the boat sleeping
* They woke Jesus up and He calmed the storm

Let’s take a closer look at the lives of the disciples in the chapters leading up to this scenario, starting in chapter 5 of Luke:

Before the storm:
* They disciples spent a lot of time with Jesus
* They saw sick people being healed, raising of the dead
* They learnt tolerance of people with different back grounds e.g. Levi the tax collector
* Witnessed defiance of cultural norms e.g. the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume

During storm:
* They were in a boat in the middle of the lake – means the disciples only had 3 choices – stay in the boat, go into the water or relax because Jesus was on board
* There was a storm – something beyond the disciples’ control
* Jesus was sleeping – Dictionary definition: “a natural condition of rest with unconsciousness and relaxation of muscles”
* Ask: where the disciples in a “a natural condition of rest with unconsciousness and relaxation of muscles” – they were wide awake and very worried

After the storm:
Jesus asked in vs 25 “Where is your faith?” “In fear and amazement they asked one another, ‘Who is this? He commands even the winds and water, and they obey him.’”

The question we are here to ponder today is: Why is it that some people trust and others don’t in the midst of a storm?

We have all been through one storm or another. Some storms last a short time whilst others last years. I feel that my personal storm lasted 4 years. It started in:
2008 –Our fist child, left home for university in SA. I remember going through a time of great anger at our government for messing up things in our country so much that our kids had to go to foreign lands for tertiary education.

2009 – The Lord broke off an 8 year business partnership where I was unevenly yoked (The reason I know he did it was because for at least 2 years I knew I had to end it but just could not and it was only when I wept before the Lord and asked him to end it did it end) – My husband’s job came to an end.

2010:
Feb: Our second child, left home for university in SA
April: My husband was killed whilst out riding his bicycle at 5:30 am
May: A very good friend, was killed whilst riding his motorbike
Aug: My dad left for UK– sold our family car, gave away my pet bird, gave away my husbands new puppy

2011:
Jan: Sold our family home of 15 years
March: My Brother was killed in Oz in a car accident in. He was the innocent party – May: A friend died of heart attack and on the same day a very dear Aunt died after a very short illness. I had just spent 10 days with her.
June: Our daughter friend) since nursery school died in shortly after being diagnosed with a brain tumour – she was 19 years old.

Then the storm ended.

I believe, purely based on my own personal experience, the reason I was able to not only survive the storm but come through stronger was:
1. For years I had been building relationship with the Lord – I believe this act of building relationship moves one from sensory knowledge which is from the head into a realm of revelation knowledge which is from the spirit. This results in trust – because “I knew Him”

2. I developed a habit of acknowledging signs and wonders – these are there all the time – remember the signs and wonders the disciples saw – healings, people being raised from the dead, cultural divides being defied.

The problem then and now is that we are just not in the habit of acknowledging them and that they are from the Lord – many things that happened and happen in our lives I know are straight from the Lord. In our particular lives .These are some of the earthly wonders that happened in our lives:

* 2007 – Went to UK to visit family – a dream come true

* 2008 – Went to Vic Falls – Last family holiday in Zim before both kids left home

* 2009 – Started new business – I founded two organisations, a non-profit called BOAZ and a for-profit one called JAKIN. Both these organisations have their own WOW Jesus story.

* 2009 – Whilst earlier I said my husbands job came to an end, for financial reasons this was a huge storm but because of loosing his job we were able to go on our planned holiday to Mozambique for the full 3 weeks and had the best family holiday ever in. We were able to take our daughter to Rhodes and stay in SA for 4 weeks visiting family we had not seen in years. We were also able to bring my 88 year old mother-in-law back to Zim with us for 6 weeks. In that time my husband was able to spend quality time with his mom. In hindsight, I can only say “but God” I am convinced that the Lord gave my husband quality time with family and friends to really say goodbye before his home going. This was truly amazing,

* October 2010 – Bought a new car

* January 2011 – Bought a new house

The reason I am sharing about all these new things is that you may or may not know that the 3 biggest stresses are Death, Divorce = meaning an unnatural separation and moving house. Whilst for many new things are a time of rejoicing, my new things were a result of many endings – I found it very difficult to rejoice. In fact, when I bought the car, I would not drive it and would not bring it home; my sister drove it to her house and parked it in her garage until such time I ready. My struggle then was that I felt that the only reason I was able to afford a new car was because of My husband’s death! I would have far rather had my husband back than all the new things.

Now these were the earthly things which were happening, there were also spiritual things taking place at the same time.

Let’s first look at what was happening in the disciple’s lives from a spiritual angle.
Luke reports, angel appearance to Zachariah regarding John’s birth – to Mary regarding Jesus’ birth. Revival broke out amongst the Jews, water baptism started and later we see Jesus being baptised in the Holy Spirit …. And so on.

* Aug 2007 – Whilst in the UK my sister gave me a book called “If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to get out of the boat” by John Ortberg. In this book there is a story about a new Christian who was challenged by his pastor to pray every day for 6 months and expect God to do great things. He did and some of the results were country changing. He then challenges us to do the same. I had a number of breakthroughs which I needed so I rose to the challenge and prayed every day for six months –I believe that I benefited hugely from this exercise and my faith grew enormously.

* Dec 2009 –Mozambique – the best family holiday ever. A friend brought the book: The power of a praying parent for adult children by Stormie Omartian every afternoon we would sit on the beach and read a chapter together and pray for our children. When I came back home I got a copy and would pray one of the prayers a day for our children and my husband. Once again, my faith grew.

* Another area I grew was in believing the fact that our days are numbered and that the Lord is sovereign.

The morning my husband was killed the pray on that day was for protection for him and the kids no matter if they were in a car, which our son does a lot of being a IT consultant is travels around in the Eastern Cape, on a bicycle which My husband was, walking, which our daughter did a lot of in Grahamstown as everyone walks everywhere.

I remember distinctly saying just after he was killed – our days are numbered and the Lord is sovereign and I truly believed it. We never did find out who or what killed him, but my spirit was and still is at peace in that if the Lord wanted me/us to know he would have revealed it. This peace is the type that surpasses understanding. I don’t understand it and it certainly is not something I conjure up.

3. I have invested in relationships with people of different backgrounds, both believers and non-believers. During the stormy years of my life, people from both these groups were sent to minister to us in our moments of need.

Some examples:
* When we took our daughter down to Rhodes – Our son came with – My cousin organised 2 interviews for our son who had just finished studying – one we were too late for and the second, the man created a position for Our son –2 weeks later this good Samaritan was killed whilst out jogging

* The morning my husband was killed at approximately 5:45am; a woman was the first to arrive on the scene. He had not taken any form of id with him – this lady later told me that he died 10 min after her arrival and that she would not allow the police to take his body away until someone had identified him. 8:45am later she agreed, minutes before I arrived at the accident sight. – In the early days of our lives together, I could set my watch to my husband’s time keeping. He would arrive home 4:30pm on the dot, the only times he was late, were when he was helping some damsel in distress. I believe that all those years of investing in relationships, none discriminately paid back, this woman was there for him in his biggest moment of need.

* The sale and purchase of our home was another time when I saw the Lord move heaven and earth. You have to know that no human being was capable of mobilising so many people of so many backgrounds to make it happen. When I look back, I see that for many years the Lord was busy linking me to specific people whom he intended to use for this particular purpose. Everyone that comes to visit declares in wonder how perfect it is for me and that they see the hand of the Lord in it all

4. Remember that Jesus was sleeping during the storm? I have allowed that same “sleep”/peace to be the umpire of my troubled soul during the storms in my life – and believe you me; my soul was troubled for many months and still is at times and will continue to experience times of trouble for as long as I am here on this earth.

Trusting the Lord and choosing to love Him during difficult times is not any easy thing to do because He uses the things that seem to be closest to us to bring us to the fullness of this love. (Take a look at Abraham and Isaac)

The ability to trust needs to be based on who we believe God is and not on what he does or gives. Tragically, for most of us the only trust we know is the one that results in gaining something earthly or receiving healing or having problems solved. Few know about the trust that is born out of love for Him. Trust born out of love for Him is the one that carries us through the storm.

Let’s go back to our passage in Luke 8 but we are going to pick up the story from vs 24b
“He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this?

I looked up the synonyms for these words and found that other words for fear: terror, dread, horror, fright, panic, anxiety, worry, and amazement: astonishment, wonder, admiration, shock, surprise.

I believe that during the storms in our lives we will have moments of fear and amazement. What determines which state we continue in is the foundation of our trust? If our trust is based on earthly gain, it is likely that fear will continue. However, if our trust is born out of love for Him we can only but stand in awe at how he came through for us in our storm.

Although the odds have gone against me, I feel secure in victory just knowing that I made the right choice to trust the Father. Does this mean that I don’t still struggle with “empty nest” syndrome or grieve for my husband, brother, aunt or my father who left the country and whom I may never see again this side of heaven? Of course I do. Trusting for me does not mean that we become superhuman; it just means that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

2012 – At this point in my life, I believe the Lord is saying to me:
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land….. Arise, my love, my
fair one, and come away. So I went with him”. Song of Songs 2 vs 10 -14

I would encourage you to spend time in the word really getting to know him first hand. Don’t settle for second hand knowledge – someone else’s love of the Lord will only result in them being used to minister to you in your storm but will never give you the peace that passes understanding which is what you need when you have just been through a mother of a storm.

Today, I encourage you to desire to know Him and the Holy Spirit will only be too delighted to teach you.

In closing:
We all face three crises.
The first is when we realise that we cannot save ourselves.
The second is when we realise that we cannot live this Christian life and be effective whilst still holding onto the wheel.
The third is our coming union with the Christ in us. Once we know that Christ is in us, our relationship changes to a love affair with the person in us who is our life, our love and our hope.

Trusting God in the Storm – By Lorna Pearson

Spiritual Warfare & Deliverance

This article (far from exhaustive) takes a look at what Scripture says about Spiritual Warfare and seeks to address some of the popular teachings that are being taught on the topic these days.

Let me start by saying that what we believe regarding this (and every other) topic, must come naturally and easily (not forced) from Scripture.  We cannot base our beliefs, and therefore what we practise, on experience.  Any spiritual experience can be misinterpreted.  For example, Paul, in describing his being transported into the third heaven, did not know if it was actual or a vision.

We are involved in a spiritual war (whether we want to be or not)
C.S. Lewis said Satan has two ploys: one is to convince us he does not exist (he is just a little red cartoon figure with horns), and the other is to persuade us to give him too much attention.

Let’s tackle the first:

Satan is real, active and is our avowed enemy.

Peter warns us, “Your enemy the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5 vs 8).  Jesus tells us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10 vs 10).  He has no other motivation!

Paul talks of Satan having schemes to outwit us (2 Cor 2 vs 11) and again tells us to take a “stand against the devil’s schemes”, for he says “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph 6 vs 10-13).

John tells us “the whole world is under the control of the evil one” (1 John 5 vs 19).

However we are assured of victory over the devil
Jesus has defeated him. Paul gives us a picture of a triumphant King leading his army home, returning victorious from battle, being cheered by spectators along the road.  He says “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ” (2 Cor 2 vs 14).  He tells the Colossians:  “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross”.  (The enemy, now chained and captured, follows the procession).

Jesus announces, while Satan intends to steal, kill and destroy, He (Jesus) has come to give life and give it to the full (John 10 vs 10).

The writer to the Hebrews says “He (Jesus) shared in (our) humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death – that is, the devil” (Heb 2 vs 14).

The Apostle John gives us great confidence as he tell us we have overcome those in the world “because the One who is in you, is greater than the one who is in the world”
(1 John 4 vs 4),   and again he announces “The reason the Son of God appeared, was to destroy the devil’s work”. (1 John 3 vs 8).

I think this is an accurate picture of the work we are involved in.  As we counsel people, Jesus is destroying the devil’s work.

So why are we still affected?
As Christians we have been delivered from the power of Satan, but not (as yet) from his presence.  John tells us, “We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin, the one who was born of God (Jesus) keeps him safe and the evil one cannot harm him.  We know that we are children of God and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one”. (1 John 5 vs 18, 19).

Scripture makes it clear that God through Jesus has given us the power over Satan, but he still fights.  James and Peter tell us to ‘resist him’ by standing firm in our faith, and James gives us the promise “he (Satan) will flee from you” (James 4 vs 7 and 1 Peter 5 vs 8, 9).
And Paul tells us to “stand against the devil’s schemes”.  So he says, “Put on the full armour of God so that when (not if) the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground”. (Eph 6 vs 11, 13).

The armour includes:

The Belt of Truth: being true, sincere, having truth in the inward being (Ps 51 vs 6).

The Breastplate of Righteousness: uprightness of character, to live right
(cf Eph 5 vs 9).    (It’s interesting that James, when telling us to ‘resist the devil’, also tells us to ‘wash our hands’ (clear conscience) and ‘purify our hearts’ (be true or pure, not double-minded).

The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace: you are ready for battle when wearing the shoes of the gospel of peace, which gives you a firm footing so you can stand unmoved.

The Shield of Faith: the faith that protects from the accusation, the lies, the temptations that the devil throws at us like flaming arrows.

The Helmet of Salvation: the knowledge of God’s salvation from the penalty and power of sin, and the hope of final salvation (cf 1 Thess. 5 vs 8).

The Sword of the Spirit: the Word of God can be used to defeat Satan as Jesus did when tempted.

And Pray in the Spirit on all occasions – a life of prayer.

It is important to notice Paul is talking here of a lifestyle, a way of life, not an exercise that we engage in now and again.  We are not to only sometimes wear the Belt of Truth!  We resist and stand against Satan when he seeks to devour, kill, steal and destroy.  Praise God, He has given us the power and means by which we can do this successfully.  Please note the victory we have in Christ does not mean we can be passive.  We must actively resist and stand against Satan’s schemes.  We resist the devil by standing firm in our faith, says Peter. (1 Peter 5 vs 8).  I would suggest (and personally often do this), that faith is exercised in prayer.  So I, in the name and authority of Jesus my Lord, tell Satan to get lost when he presents me with a lie, or tempts me, or an event happens that I suspect he is behind.  However, I do think it’s important that we focus on God, our Father, and the Lord Jesus, rather than Satan.  The writer to the Hebrews says ‘fix your thoughts on Jesus’ and again “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus” (Heb 3 vs 1 and 12 vs 2).  So having ‘resisted’, I turn my attention to Jesus and thank Him for all He has done, and is doing in that situation.

Be careful not to fall into the other ploy the devil uses (as C.S. Lewis says) and that is to give Satan too much credit, too much attention.

It’s interesting to note both James and Peter use the Old Testament scripture “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,” as the introduction to saying we should resist the devil – both also say we should submit to God, or as Peter puts it,  “humble yourselves under God’s mighty hand”  (James 4 vs7 and 1 Peter 5 v s8,9).   In doing so, we are saying ‘Your will be done Lord, Your Kingdom come in my life’ and of course, turning away from and resisting Satan’s will and purposes in our lives.

Can a Christian be demon possessed?
Here the problem lies in how we have translated NT Greek into English.   The word “possession” – means to possess or own.  However, we know we are bought by Christ (‘you were bought at a price’ – 1 Cor 6 vs 20) and therefore He owns us, we belong to Jesus.

In his book ‘ Spiritual Warfare’ Tim Warner says
“The use of the word “possession” to translate the expressions used in the Greek New Testament to indicate the relationship between demons and people is unfortunate, if not unwarranted.  We obtained our English word “demon” by transliterating the Greek word daimon.  We should have done the same with the Greek word daimonizomai – a verb form of the same Greek root.  It would then come into English as “demonise” and we could then speak of the degree to which a person could be demonised rather than being limited to the either-or options imposed by the possessed – not possessed view.”

So the answer to ‘Can a Christian be possessed?’ is ‘no’ if it means ‘being owned, taken over by Satan’.  But that is not to say that a Christian cannot be influenced by Satan.  All the New Testament warnings concerning demonic activity are addressed to believers!

We have tended to think of an “all or nothing” situation.  However, it seems it would be far better to think of it as a continuum.  If we drew a line that represented the degree of influence that Satan has – with the influence Satan had on Jesus  (Jesus was tempted by Satan) on the extreme left,  to the extreme right where Satan has full control of a person.

So when it comes to Christians, evil spirits are spirits of influence only.

Unbelievers.
This is not true for unbelievers.  Paul writes, “The God of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers,” (2 Cor 4 vs 4) so they are spiritually dead and follow “the ways of the world and (of) the ruler of the Kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ” (Eph 2 vs 2)

It seems even in non-believers, Satan has degrees of influence or control.  Some have given themselves over to him completely and it may then be accurate to say they are demon possessed.

When non-believers are confronted with the gospel of Jesus, they are faced with the decision of who they submit to, who they follow.  The eyes of their hearts would need to be opened by God who ‘made His light shine in our hearts’  (2 Cor 4 vs 6).  When they ‘repent and believe the good news’ (Mark 1 vs 16), Jesus becomes their King and they receive the Holy Spirit.  However, the Kingdom of God is like yeast in bread and His Kingdom (control) would grow and spread through various areas of the person’s life.  Sometimes, especially if that person has been involved in occultish practices, the person may need prayer to break the hold Satan still has on that person.  However, I would not go on a ‘spot the demon’ campaign!

It seems to me that in Scripture demons manifested (showed) themselves when confronted with the presence and power of Jesus (or His Spirit in the disciples)  As individuals seek to make Him Lord, (submit themselves / humble themselves under God’s mighty hand), these ‘areas’ where Satan still has control, will become obvious and then prayer, to break any bondage or hold Satan may have, would be appropriate and good.

It’s interesting to note when Paul was in Ephesus, God was doing ‘extraordinary miracles through Paul’, all were ‘seized’ with fear, and the name of the Lord Jesus was held in high honour.  Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds.  A number who had practised sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly (Acts 19 vs 11, 17 – 19).  Burning their scrolls were acts of repentance.  You cannot argue effectively from silence, but in this instance there is no mention that they had to line up for deliverance (although see Acts 19 vs 12).

Believers
Back to our own situation as believers.  We can be influenced and we can, through sin, give ground to Satan.
Paul says to the Ephesians they should not let the sun go down on their anger and “do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4 vs 27).  The Greek word here for ‘foothold’ is ‘topos’ from which we get topography.  So it is giving Satan space or place or room to act in our lives.  It’s not difficult to see this in people’s lives – if a person simmers in anger and does not deal with an issue, it can become bitterness and result in hurtful and sinful communication and behaviour that results in alienation. Satan is given opportunity to do his destructive destroying, stealing, killing work.

Please note this is ground that has been given to Satan.  He has no opportunity or ground if it is not given to him.  Also, the answer here is to repent and give that ground back to the control and influence of our Lord.

Clinton Arnold in his book ‘The Power of Darkness’ says

“It is likely that any sinful activity that the believer does not deal with by the power of the Spirit can be exploited by the devil and turned into a means of control over a believer’s life.  Therefore, Christians need to resist.  For Paul there is no middle ground. There is no nominal Christianity.  Believers either resist the influence of the evil one who works through the flesh and the world, or they relinquish control of their lives to the power of darkness.  Giving in to those temptations does not just confirm the weakness of the flesh, it opens up the lives of believers to the control of the devil and his powers.  We need to recognise the supernatural nature of temptation and be prepared to face it.”

James implies this when after telling us to resist the devil, he says “wash your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double minded’” (James 4 vs 7).
So the issue is one of repentance and submission to the kingship of Jesus.

Strongholds
Paul, when writing to the Corinthians, says we fight with weapons which have divine power and with which we can demolish strongholds (2 Cor 10 vs 3 – 6).
What is a stronghold?  Verse 5 gives us the answer.  He says we “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God”.

‘Arguments’ are reasons and efforts to persuade us against the truth of God and ‘pretensions’ are lies and false portrayals that are aimed to deceive.

Ed Silvoso’s definition is

“A Mindset (beliefs) impregnated with hopelessness that causes me to accept as unchangeable, something we know is contrary to the will of God’.

Joyce Meyer says simply

“A stronghold is an area in which we are held in bondage (in prison) due to a certain way of thinking”.

How do we demolish strongholds?  We “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10 vs 5).

Jesus said of Satan:  He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he speaks lies, he speaks his native language for he is a liar and the father of lies  (John 8 vs 44).  He is called ‘the accuser of our brothers’ (Rev 12 vs 10).  It is believing those lies that keeps us imprisoned.

Ed Silvoso tells a story of an American general who in the Second World War was captured by the Japanese and imprisoned in Mongolia.  In prison he was cut off from all outside news.  So when the war was won by the Western allies, he had no idea.  His captors kept the news from him and he remained submitted to them. However, when he finally learned the truth, (Germany and Japan had been defeated), he walked up to his prison guards and said, “Release me. I am no longer obliged to stay here.”  (In fact they could have swopped places).  The guards had no legal right to hold him, but kept him in the dark as to the truth.  Knowing the truth set him free, and so it is with us.

Jesus said,“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free”. (Matt 8vs 32)

We do this work in our counselling.  We aim to identify the lies that a person has believed, lies that have kept them prisoner.  Once they replace these lies with truth, they will be free.  As Paul says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Romans 12 vs 2)

Again this is an ongoing process.  It’s a process of revelation, an increasing knowledge of the truth.  Sometimes we need the Holy Spirit to give a person the “power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Eph 3 vs 18)

Deliverance
It must be remembered that in His ministry Jesus confronted the kingdom of darkness as He proclaimed the good news of the Kingdom of God.
(Matt 4 vs 23, Mark1 vs 15, Luke9 vs 1,2  Luke10 vs 9,17)
It seems that those that had demons cast out of them were not believers (they may well have been about to become believers).  Jesus was establishing His Kingdom.
It is also significant that the NT letters (written to Christians) do not include anything about deliverance. They do however address the issue of sanctification.
So as we present the gospel and someone believes, deliverance may be necessary – especially where the person has given place and control to the devil through some occultish practice.

That person must renounce that practice and be willing to repent and believe in Jesus and receive the Holy Spirit.  Otherwise we are simply sweeping the house clean only for the demon to return with seven others (Matt 12 vs 43-45).

I have not seen in Scripture (please correct me if I’m wrong) anywhere where a person is delivered from a demon of lust or greed or homosexuality or any sin.  These are sins that need to be repented from.  They may well flow out of strongholds in the person’s life which need to be demolished. And strongholds are demolished, as we’ve seen, by “bringing every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor 10 v s5)

The fight against sin is the process of sanctification.  Again it is grasping the truth.
The truth is that ‘we died to sin’ and we were ‘baptised into the death of Christ’. (Romans 6 vs 1 – 3).   Paul tells us (vs 4)  “We were therefore buried (past tense) with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead … we too may live a new life”.  Paul is saying know the truth about your salvation: You died with Jesus, and your sin along with you, so he says ‘count yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God’ (vs11).

Sanctification is the process of grasping the truth about a particular sin and also knowing, experiencing the resurrection power of God in that particular area.

Generational sins or iniquities
It is very commonly believed that we suffer from curses that are handed down from generation to generation.  These are often called ‘iniquities’ from which we need to be delivered.  The implication is there is a demonic spirit and/or bondage handed down from generation to generation.  The Scriptures used to justify this practice include the following:
Exodus 20 vs 5, Exodus 34 vs 7, Leviticus 26 vs 39, 40, Numbers 14 vs 18, Deut 5 vs 9. Please read them.

Exodus 20 vs 5, 6 says “You shall not bow down to them (idols) or worship them: for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

The other Scriptures given are similar.
Firstly please note that what is handed down is punishment from God.  Satan is not the one doing this.  Secondly, it is important to understand these Scriptures in the context of the Old Covenant.  The Covenant that God made with His people Israel was simply this:
“I will be your God, you will be my people.  If you obey me I will bless you, it you do not obey me, you will be cursed.”

See Deut 28 and 29, particularly Deut 28 vs 1 – 6, 15 – 19 and Deut 29 vs 1, 9 – 13 and vs 19 – 21).

We know Israel again and again disobeyed.  The prophets came and warned Israel of the consequences of their disobedience.

However, eventually God made a New Covenant (See Jeremiah 31 vs 31 – 34 and Ezekiel 36 vs 25 – 28).

We now live in this New Covenant, a covenant of grace – where Jesus became the curse for us and removed the penalty of sin.  He has forgiven our sin and reconciled us to Himself. He has rescued us from the dominion (rule or control)of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves (Col 1 vs 13) Jesus has established His kingdom in us
However we do still suffer the consequences of our sin and the sin of others.

So, if I grow up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father, I will be affected by that.  My father’s sins will affect me.  We are aware of the various effects on children of a dysfunctional home.  My thinking will be affected, my behaviour (strategies) will have developed as a result of the background in which I grew up.  All of these I will need to deal with as I grow in the Lord.  That’s our role as Counsellors, to come alongside and give tools with which such a person can change and become whole.

Of course Satan is involved.  And of course we need to be praying, resisting Satan and his influence.  And when a person gets stuck, prayer to break any hold Satan may have is good and appropriate.  But please do not suggest to someone you are counselling they have a generational spirit from which they need to be delivered!

Soul Ties
This again is a popular notion these days.  The biblical justification is found in 1 Cor 6 vs 16, 17  “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute, is one with her in body”.  This Scripture refers to Gen 2 vs 24 (“the two will become one flesh”).  We know when we join sexually with another we become ‘one flesh’ with them.  This is a biblical principle which God intended to be a part of marriage. Once a couple are united in marriage, they become ‘one flesh’ with the union of their bodies. There is a joining that takes place when a couple have sex, a joining that is meant to happen within marriage (Gen2 vs 24).  So says Paul, if you join yourself to a prostitute, you ‘sin against your own body’ (1 Cor 6 vs 18).

While this ‘joining’ does of course take place – we become ‘one flesh’ – it is rather a mysterious phenomenon.  Some have filled in the gaps and made it a demonic thing which needs deliverance.

While, as I’ve already said, sin does give ground to the devil, the Scripture does not say or imply this ‘one flesh’ joining is a demonic thing that needs deliverance. Nowhere in Scripture (that I can find) is there any account of deliverance in this context.

When the woman caught in the act of adultery was thrown in front of Jesus, He said to her ‘Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more’.  What was required was repentance (‘sin no more’) and forgiveness (‘neither do I condemn you’).  Surely, if she needed deliverance from ‘soul ties’, Jesus would have ‘cast out’ or ‘broken’ whatever bondage existed?  Again the tenor of Scripture is that sin gives space to the devil to do his destroying work.  But we take that opportunity away from him when we resist him, repent of the sin and trust God to rule in us in that area.

If we are deep into sin, Satan may have more influence than we can deal with on our own, and we may need counsel and prayer to help us break free from Satan’s hold on us.  We would still need to repent and believe – die with Jesus and be raised with Him also, put off.. put on…etc. This is the process of sanctification that Paul deals with in most of his letters. Standing with someone in prayer as they resist Satan is of course very helpful.

I have had it mentioned that for example there may be ‘soul ties’ between an adult child and his parents, and he cannot leave (in order to cleave).  Again this is a matter of obedience not deliverance.

There may be dependency issues.  We know about emotional dependencies – where one becomes ‘addicted’ to another.  This requires the radical amputation – obedience to break the relationship and then working through what emotional and spiritual needs might have been met in the other person, transferring our dependency to God.

Spiritual Warfare & Deliverance

Early in our marriage we attended a one-day marriage seminar.  There were a variety of couples there, some who had been married for 20 years or more, some just a few years, and one couple who were not yet married.  One of the exercises they asked us to do was a questionnaire which was designed to test how well we knew our spouse.  After we had done the exercise they compared our marks.  The couple who scored the highest were – you guessed – the engaged couple!

When we are ‘in love’, as I have said, we do seem to communicate quite naturally but as time goes on we need to make a deliberate commitment to work at it.  It doesn’t just happen by itself.  It is a bit like rowing upstream.  If you stop rowing you will drift backwards.

Perhaps you have ‘drifted’ and find there is some distance between you and your spouse, what do you do to draw close again?  Without communication there can be no real relationship.  Learning to communicate is like building a bridge between the two of you so that you can move towards each other.

LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION

Five different levels of communication have been identified.  These levels move from shallow, surface levels of communications to the deep, meaningful level that enables you to enjoy a closeness and intimacy that God intended for marriage.

1.Cliché
This is when communication is reduced to the bare essentials, greetings or formalities.  There may be requests to “pass the salt” or “who is picking up the kids?”, but nothing is said that doesn’t have to be said.

2.Reporting Facts
Here conversation takes place but it is conversation that is very safe and unthreatening.  The couple will talk about events or people that are ‘out there’.

3.Expressing Own Ideas and Opinions
This is beginning to go a little deeper as now the person is starting to open up about themselves – about what they think.  Saying ‘I don’t think our daughter should dress like that’ carries with it the note of disagreement, argument and even potential rejection.

4.Showing Feelings and Emotions
Our communication goes to a new level when we begin to express how we feel.  Men find this particularly hard (I’m generalising) especially as often we are not even aware of the emotions within us.  Eg. I was afraid you would ‘reject me’ or ‘I feel inadequate’ or ‘I feel inferior or worthless’.  This kind of vulnerability rarely results in the rejection from our spouse that we fear, rather it has the effect of producing a closeness and intimacy that we all crave, especially if our feelings are accepted by our spouse.

5.Moments of Complete Union and Sharing Ourselves without Reserve
The bible talks of being naked and unashamed.  A relationship that has built up a deep level of trust and unconditional acceptance enable a couple to open up completely without reserve.  If both parties are aiming to share at this level, then your relationship is bound to grow.  We cannot live constantly at this deep and intense level but we can aim to have moments when we are completely and unreservedly open and vulnerable.

WHAT IS COMMUNICATION?

Effective communication has two main elements which are “speaking” and “listening”.  It sounds simple and straight forward but actually communication is a skill which takes practice if it is going to be effective.  I have a poster on my wall which says this:  ‘I’ know you believe you understand what you think I said but I don’t know if you realise that what you heard is not what I meant!!’  Lets think through the process of speaking and listening.  I have an idea in my head which I try to put into words but don’t succeed entirely – you hear what you think I said, then you interpret it according to your own perspective.  You then formulate a response which you try (somewhat unsuccessfully) to put into words – I then hear what I think you have said and give it my own interpretation…. and so on.  In other words there is a lot of ‘interference’ that confuses and distorts the process.  The other point I want to make is that communication is a two way process.  It is not simply telling the other ‘the facts’. So let’s look at these two aspects more carefully:

1.Speaking
The scripture which sums up what should be our goal here is ‘speaking the truth in love’.  There are three elements to this verse:

a)Speaking

b)The truth

c)In love.

a)Speaking

This again sounds so obvious.  But we don’t always do it!  In other words, sometimes we don’t speak.  We don’t tell our spouse what is going on inside of us.  An action or word spoken by our spouse may annoy us intensely but instead of saying something we keep quiet because ‘it’ll cause a scene’ or we withdraw into silence.  Sometimes we play mind games where we expect our spouse to know something about us – just because ‘they should know!’.  So a spouse may feel unloved or uncared for because their partner hasn’t shown concern for the problem you have at the moment, which you haven’t actually taken time to talk about.

So do speak – tell your spouse what you are thinking and feeling.  Be as vulnerable as you can be.

b)The Truth

We often do speak but don’t speak the truth.  Especially in conflict situations when we are trying to win an argument or prove a point.  We can easily resort to exaggeration, which will exasperate our partner who knows what you are saying is not entirely true.  In this regard it is important to avoid using global statements like ‘always’, ‘never’ which again antagonise because they are almost never true.  ‘You are always late’ or ‘you never tidy up after yourself’ will get angry responses in which your spouse will tell you of times they were not late or they did tidy up.

Other ways we don’t speak the truth is when we tell little ‘white’ lies.  John and Mary had a problem in this regard.  John was angry with Mary because he said “she never did what she said she would”.  When we explored this area, we discovered that when John asked Mary to do something, she would say ‘yes’ but actually what she was thinking was  “I’ll do it if I get time” – or “it’s not that important so I’ll have to do all these other things first”.  John had the expectation of having these things completed and was resentful when they were not.  Mary had to learn to say what she was thinking not what she thought John wanted to hear!

Speaking the truth involves speaking about what you know is true.  We can sometimes make statements which we think are true but actually are just our interpretation of events.  For example in John and Mary’s case when Mary did not do what John had asked.  John would exclaim “you don’t love me do you” or “you just don’t care about me” which Mary refuted angrily.  Imputing motives will antagonise.  To speak the truth it is better to speak what you know is true.  So John would have done better to say ‘I feel hurt when you don’t do as I ask, because it seems to me that you don’t care about me.’  He is now speaking about himself rather that imputing motives to what Mary did or didn’t do.

Another important aspect about speaking the truth is being “congruent”.  We convey what we are saying in our words but also in our tone of voice and our body language.

We are told that only 7% of what we convey is vocal, 55% is non-vocal (ie: our body language) and 38% is our tone of voice.  To be congruent is to be saying the same things with our words, body language and tone of voice.  When couples come to see me for counselling the way they sit on the couch opposite speaks volumes about how they are feeling towards each other.  When they first come in they usually cross their legs away from each other and face slightly away.  Sometimes they will have their arms placed defensively across their body and have their hands in front of their mouth.  Your partner will even unconsciausly pick up what you are saying in your body language and tone of voice.  We can of course misinterpret what our partner is saying in their body language so if you pick up incongruencies or contradictions then you must ask before jumping to conclusions.  So your spouse might be frowning from a headache rather than because they are unhappy or irritated !  Be aware of the overall message you are conveying.  If there are contradictions, then you need to ask yourself am I telling my spouse the truth?

c)In Love

Of course it is possible to speak the absolute truth but to do it in a way that is cutting and hurtful.  ‘Your breath stinks’ may be a 100% true statement but will not help your relationship.  ‘I was embarrassed by your behaviour last night because after you had a few drinks you began to get loud and aggressive with our guests’, is much more constructive than ‘you got drunk last night and made a real idiot of yourself!’

To speak in love is to say things (the truth) in a way that will help NOT hurt your partner.  The truth can be used as a ‘weapon’ against your partner.  Much rather use it ‘in love’ which is with the motive of assisting your partner to understand what you are thinking and feeling.

Finally, as we seek to ‘speak the truth in love’, there is a very helpful tool which can improve our ability to convey our thoughts and feelings to our spouse.  This is what has been called word pictures (Smalley and Trent).  For example, John might have described how he felt about his relationship with Mary and the children in this way.  “I feel like I’m standing outside the house where it is cold, wet and windy.  The door is closed and as I look in the window I can see you (Mary) and the children sitting around the fire, talking, laughing and having fun.”

Mary on the other hand, may say that the way she sees this relationship is “it’s like I am standing in a line holding hands with the children, we are all looking toward you, waiting for you to turn towards us but you are some distance away with your back to us and you are absorbed with your own things that you have in your hands”.

These ‘word pictures’ can convey a depth of feeling and thought that we may otherwise struggle to describe.

2.Active Listening

Now we come to the other vital and probably most neglected aspect of communication, that is hearing our partner.  We are often so keen for our partner to hear and understand us that we neglect to listen to them.  Listening is a skill that needs to be cultivated and learned.  Again there are three aspects of this skill:

a) Concentration

b) Understanding

c) Empathy.

a)Concentration

When our children were small I can remember them pointing upwards with their chubby arms that reached just above their heads when an airliner flew overhead.  We had long since tuned this noise out and no longer noticed until our inquisitive children drew our attention to it.  We tune out unnecessary noises which can be useful but we also learn to turn each other out.  To communicate we must make a deliberate and concerted effort to tune in.  We call it active listening.  Quite obviously, it is not passive.  It does not happen by itself.  We are not going to hear our spouse unless we concentrate on them and what they have to say.  It means focussing to the exclusion of all else.  Just like the satellite dish needs to be adjusted to receive the best signal, so we need to focus and give our full attention if we are to hear properly.

Turning to face our spouse and looking at them can help.  Again just as for our satellite dish there are numerous other signals that can distract and confuse, which need to be shut out, so we need to get rid of all distractions, other noises that would keep us from hearing clearly.  Listening is showing respect, honouring the other enough to demonstate that what they have to say is more important that those other ‘noises’.

So if we are to hear them there must be a time when you turn the TV off, or you put the book or newspaper down, or when you came home from work early, or you forgo the hobby or sporting activity or you go to bed later so that you can give your spouse your 100% attention.

My wife and I work together.  So you could say we spend most of our time together.  However, it is possible to be in the same building, even in the same room but not really communicating or connecting.  We make a point of going out for coffee every week.  It’s a fixed appointment where we go to get away from all distractions so that we can talk and listen.

b)Understanding

The reason active listening is so important is because it is so easy to misunderstand each other.  There are a number of big differences between the partners of any marriage.  Firstly we all to some degree marry someone of a different cultural background.  Our home backgrounds are different even if we have lived in the same community all our lives (which is not likely these days).  The values, norms, standards that we have been taught very often will vary.  The view of extended family, table manners, finance, roles, leisure time, attitude to qualifications and work, bed times, attitude to alcohol, beliefs etc., may be different and can cause misunderstandings.  Both see their own understanding and background as being ‘normal’.

Secondly, there are differences between men and women.  For a long time, to say this, was considered politically incorrect, because it was assumed that this meant one was superior and the other inferior.  The scriptures have the balance – we are equal in terms of worth but different in the way we think and function (and physically of course).  These differences can and do cause confusion if they are not understood.  Part of listening is understanding and accepting these differences.  Below is a list of these gender differences.  This is not the place to expand on each of these differences.  Suffice to say active listening will help us know and understand our partner.

GENDER DIFFERENCES

Communication in Marriage

Dealing with Past Hurts in your Marriage

I am writing this article because I have seen many people jump from one prison to another.

The Original Prison
The original prison in which people find themselves can come in various forms – it may be the prison of:
• People Pleasing and trying to keep everyone happy. This person is so busy living up to the expectations, desires and demands of their spouse and/or others that they lose any sense of themselves, who they are, what they like or don’t like, what they can and can’t do etc.:
• It may come in the form of Avoiding Conflict – keeping the  peace at all cost, yielding to the demands and control of others, trying not to rock the boat (even if they are not the one rocking it!)
• The prison may be Keeping a catalogue of Rules – shoulds, oughts, musts – this would include religious people who are bound by duty to religious rituals and laws. It would also include those Christians who are trying to live right but doing so in their own strength and willpower and hence often failing.
• Or the prison may be that of the Overly Responsible person who always takes it upon themselves to provide, fix and generally take responsibility for whatever situation arises.
•  Or the prison may be of The Rescuer – who is always trying to fix those around, taking responsibility to solve the problems of others.
• The prison is often various combinations of the above.

It seems people can live in this prison, doing what they are doing (sometimes seemingly successfully) for many years (10, 20, or 30 years). I see them when they come for counselling or attend a course. At this point they are at rock bottom – often feeling depressed and despairing, wanting to give up or run away.  Along with the depression, they feel a deep seated anger which has been brewing for all those years that they have been doing what they don’t want to do.

From one prison to another – from Law to Licence
As the counselling or course progresses, the person comes out of denial.  Their eyes are opened to what has been happening and they begin to get in touch with some of that anger. The person wants a radical break out of the prison – they want to get out  of the relationship or institution, or give up altogether. Their huge (awakening) anger is often the motivating force behind this desire. The phrase I often hear is ‘I need space in order to find myself’. While this is a legitimate and I believe very worthwhile agenda, what so often happens is that the person moves from ‘Law’ into ‘Licence’.  They are tempted to abandon what is wrong and replace it with another wrong – ‘Licence’. They can move from caring too much what others want and think, to a care-less attitude, becoming selfish. The thought of freedom seems to trigger a desire to satisfy their sinful, selfish nature.  “Finding themselves” becomes an endeavour to live to “please themselves alone”. “I’ve lived to please others for so long – now it’s my turn, I’m going to look after myself – have ‘me time’.”

While these sentiments are understandable, there is a huge trap waiting to capture the person.
We know attempts to gratify our sinful nature only lead to disappointment, and ultimately into another prison.  The person who sins is a slave to sin.  Breaking out into selfish behaviour leads to sinful behaviour that is destructive of relationships with others and God. The prospect of
getting out of the previous prison is so enticing and alluring that not much thought is given to the fire the person might be jumping into.

So for example a person who has been unhappily trying to live up to the unreal expectations of his or her spouse or the person who has never spoken about disagreements or discontent for fear of rocking the boat and causing hurt and conflict, suddenly ‘opts out’ of the marriage and goes straight into an affair. They justify their actions by saying this is the real me. Or the person who has for years been trying to live right, doing what is considered the correct thing but doing it out of duty and in their own strength, suddenly (in an effort to ‘find themselves’) starts experimenting with drink or drugs or sex or partying at nightclubs or engaging in lavish spending, looking for the ‘pleasure’ they have denied themselves all these years. Of course this exchanges one set of problems for another- one prison for another!

There is another way – from Law to Liberty
While it’s vital to recognise the prison in which we have been living- it’s also important to see how we made choices which allowed ourselves to become prisoners. We played a part in creating the prison in which we’ve lived. We must recognise how we, through various strategies (compliance, conflict avoidance, rescuing etc) have been trying to meet legitimate needs – to be loved, accepted, belong, be worthwhile, and have impact. These strategies led to those previous prisons.  We need to recognise that we have tried to do for ourselves what only God can do for us.   The weariness, the despair, can bring us to the end of ourselves.  Then as we turn our back on those strategies (which will leave us feeling empty and vulnerable), we must turn to God and receive what we need from Him.  As we receive His unfailing love, know His forgiveness, His acceptance of us, His receiving of us into His family, His assessment of our worth in His eyes, His purpose for our lives – then we begin to know a completeness.  We can only really discover who we are (find ourselves) in Him.  We can then discover where we belong, we can accept ourselves as we know His acceptance of us, we can know our immense worth as we know how much He values us, we can know our purpose and reason d’être as we discover His eternal purpose for us.

This sets us free to be ourselves.  No longer do we need to live up to the demands and expectations of others or of some set of rules.  We can be all He wants us to be – even if nothing or nobody around us changes.  We can truly ‘find ourselves’, be who He created us to be, when we discover who we are in Him.

As we discover our new identity and a new sense of belonging and acceptance, our confidence will grow.  As we know a new union and belonging with God our Father, and as our dependence on Him grows, we have a peace and contentment about being who He made us be – we can then work on changing the attitudes and behaviours that helped create the prisons we’ve lived in.

This is not a quick process.  A 1000 mile journey is completed a step at a time.  It’s a mouthful of elephant at a time.  We will need to change people pleasing, compliant behavior by seeking to please God instead.  This will mean setting new boundaries, learning to speak the truth, voicing your own opinion, expressing disagreement.

For those who have avoided conflict like the plague, it will mean learning to confront, lovingly but firmly.  For the overly responsible person who lives by the duty of oughts and shoulds – it will be knowing God’s grace and love and then out of joy seeking to be led by His Spirit.  For the Rescuer it will be learning to help people take responsibility for their own problems – learning to watch as people fall (as Our Father so often does) without rushing in to ‘fix’ them.

Whatever the prison was – once let out – there will be work necessary to change the choices and therefore the style of relating that led to being in the prison in the first place.  It’s a process of finding freedom.  Progress can sometimes be slow and hard – and often will be resisted by our spouse – but it’s so worth the struggle.

As I said earlier, finding ourselves is a very worthwhile agenda.  As finding the joy and freedom of being who God created us to be initially – and finding that place of deep intimate dependent relationship with our God and Father through Jesus.

In counselling these situations, it’s vital we understand and empathise with where the person is at. Sometimes Christian Counselling has served to reinforce and strengthen the prison that people are in.  Callous (and ignorant) exhortations like ‘just submit’ or love them more – close the person down in further condemnation and confusion.  Reflection and acceptance of their feelings (depression, despair, desire to escape, extreme anger) gives permission for them to feel and express these emotions.  Because they have often lived in denial of their situation (prison) and their feelings, it can take time for them to get in touch with all that is going on inside them.  It’s so important that they do this – express all these emotions that they’ve suppressed for years.  So as a counsellor, empathy, reflection, and acceptance of their feelings, legitimises their emotions, and gives permission for them to feel those things, when for years it’s not been allowed.

The danger here is that when they begin to allow these feelings to surface – they will be tempted to act on those feelings – which is dangerous.  Allow them to feel them and express them before they make any long term decisions regarding their future.

Once they have been able to ‘off load’ their backlog of emotions, it is important that we as counsellors then help them understand their own role in creating those prisons.  The expression of feelings can be very ‘other’ orientated.  He did this, said that ….etc.  I was hurt and angry when she …… If they don’t move on from this, they become victims and may feel justified in reacting in a selfish even sinful way.  We may buy into that reality to the extent where we can (perhaps unwittingly) encourage sinful behavior which is why it’s important that we help them see their own role in it all – how they played a part in creating the prison – usually as a way to get their needs met apart from God.

This way we help the counsellees to work on themselves.  They can move into a deep, closer dependent relationship with the Lord that sets them free to be themselves – even if the other person in the relationship does not change.  Of course how that person relates to others, will change.

From One Prison to Another by Ian Wilsher

Fear is the most primitive and basic of all emotions. It was given to us by God to alert us to and protect us from threat and danger.In life threatening situations fear produces a huge rush of adrenalin into our bodies so that we can either fight or run away (the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism) This is a normal God-given reaction to the threat and it would be abnormal not to feel fear under the circumstances.

However the problem occurs when we start to live in fear or anticipation of life-threatening events when there is no likelihood of harm being done to us. Anxiety and fear can grip our lives and dominate our thinking and this is a problem which needs to be faced and overcome.

Anxiety is like the younger brother of fear. It is a milder version but never the less it can be just as damaging and cause us to develop all sorts of maladaptive behaviours

How does anxiety feel? 

Look at the following words which describe the sensation of anxiety:

• Tense
• Restless
• Unhappy
• No peace
• Ruminating thoughts
• Breathless
• Agitated
• Vigilant
• Withdrawn

Think about how you feel when you are anxious…………………………

What causes us to be fearful, anxious or lose our Courage?  
Here are some possible causes:

• Conflict
• Disapproval – rejection
• Loss of love – rejection
• Being evaluated
• Physical illness/injury
• Death/dying – loved ones/self
• Pain/distress/discomfort
• Loss of control
• Threats to our or our children’s health or happiness or success
• Change/ the unknown

What makes you anxious?
Other fears/anxieties:

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Intimacy
• Fear of Poverty/financial reversal
• Fear of the Future / old age
• Fear of Robbery / attack

What effect do these fears and anxieties have on us?

There are three main ways:

• Draw back / Avoid
• Try to control
• We worry – engage in ruminating anxious thoughts

All three of these strategies will cause us problems and are not successful ways of handling anxiety. They will lead to negative consequences for our lives:

• People who avoid what they fear withdraw from life and live small and confined lives.
• Those who try to control circumstances and people end up unhappy, frustrated and they often alienate those they love most.
• Worry is a time-consuming and fruitless activity which leaves us more anxious than ever

So how can we overcome Anxiety in our lives?    -  3 Strategies for tackling anxiety:

STEP 1

Fight the battle in your MIND.
Gain control of your thinking  Don’t allow anxious thoughts to dominate.  You can’t stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can prevent it from making a nest in our hair!

Use the 3R technique to change your thinking.  The three R’s are:

• Recognise
• Reject
• Replace

a)  Recognise what you are saying to yourself. Each person has an  internal monologue
e.g. “What if Tommy’s illness is more serious that we think. What if its cancer or something life threatening.”  “I couldn’t handle it if something happened to my child/husband/wife.”

Ask yourself: “What am I saying to myself?” Learn to recognise what you are thinking.

b)  Reject: Say to yourself : “No – Stop! I reject these fearful negative thoughts. I refuse to be controlled by fears and what ifs.”  “ I refuse to think these thoughts any longer!”

c) Replace with  the TRUTH   “Whatever happens I will trust you Lord. You are in control. You are Lord.  I commit my child/husband/wife into you hands. I believe you love me and want what’s best for me.”
“The truth  is whatever happens you will sustain me and help me. I am not alone.”

STEP 2:

Fight the battle in your BEHAVIOUR.
Many times we avoid what we are afraid of we draw back and don’t behave in ways that we should. We avoid situations or people. Whenever we use avoidance to lessen our fear it. grows and we suffer negative consequences.
There is only one way to tackle fear and anxiety that is to FACE it.

What are some examples of avoidance behaviours?

• Not confronting an obvious problem because of possible fallout (e.g. marriage situation)
• Not trying new things because of fear of failure.
• Not using your talents because you may not do it perfectly of others my not  appreciate your efforts
• Avoiding difficult painful tasks – asking your boss for a raise
• Avoiding people who have angered you. eg.  avoiding a difficult visit.
• Not going to certain places

Avoidance is Satan’s weapon, because it gives us temporary short term relief, but in the long term it only serves to reinforce our fear and it also reinforces our view of ourselves as inadequate, weak and a failure.

It works like this:

•  Avoid What You Fear  > The Fear Grows
•  Do The Things You Fear > The Fear Lessens

STEP 3:

Learn to LET GO CONTROL and give control to the Lord.
Anxiety causes us to feel that the situation is out of control and is not safe.  We try to get back our feeling of safety by trying to control situations and people.

What are some of the controlling behaviours we engage in?

• Being over controlling and overprotective of our children – no you can’t go to a sleep over.  No you can’t climb that tree.
• Trying to prevent anything from going wrong.
• Being bossy
• Following a set of oughts, shoulds, and musts and expecting others to do the same.
• Being over-vigilant in an attempt to prevent problems
• Being over-organised or obsessed with cleanliness

Do you exhibit any controlling behaviours?
Faith and trust are the antidote to control.  We were designed to live in a dependent, trusting relationship with the Lord.  Adam and Eve knew what it was to depend entirely on the Lord for all their needs.  We need to get to the place where we can say “Lord I don’t understand you, but I trust you.  I relinquish control and dependence.  I give it all to you.  Do with me as you wish.”

John14:18 says:  “Perfect love drives out fear.”
When we know how perfectly we are loved by God we can stop being afraid.  We can face life with confidence.

John14:1 says:  “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God.  Trust also in me.”

Philippians 4:6 says: “Do not be anxious about anything but in every thing by prayer and petition with thanks giving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Take some time now to think about how you can apply the three steps to your life.

Overcoming Anxiety and Fear